Finding My Place

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Finding My Place

By Susie Teramura

 

Walking into

The room,

Walls lined

With Barres

And covered in mirrors,

Crowded with women in

Cute leggings

And tank tops.

I put my water bottle

Down by a nearby

Set of weights,

 

But as I do I am

Quickly rebuked

By a talkative one

Who says,

In a tone as sour

As spoiled milk,

“That was my spot,”

She sideways glances at

Her friend nearby.

 

I apologize and

Find another empty

Set of weights,

And all of a sudden,

The empty crawls

Right down

My throat

And into

My gut.

 

Everyone is talking to

Someone but me,

And here I sit

In the middle

Of the room,

Feeling awkward

And like

I don’t belong.

 

Deciding I can’t

Stand it any more,

I get up to look at

Merchandise in

The front

Of the shop.

Trying to chit chat

With a young, tall,

And slender girl in

Pink leggings

Who is looking too,

I tell her

I need a pair

Of black leggings,

Like these,

 

She frantically

Reaches over me

Into the pile

And takes the last

Pair that was my size.

Tucking it under her arm,

She heads toward

The register,

Without another

Word to me,

 

And there I stand

Without a friend,

Or the leggings,

I had hoped to buy.

Swiped right out from

From under me,

As if I wasn’t even there.

 

Heading back

As the music starts,

I swallow the

Lump in my throat.

The happy chatter

Feels a bit like

A butter knife

In my back,

Or an annoying drone

That won’t
Leave me be.

 

The teacher counts

On beat and

Going through

The motions,

I begin to

Talk to myself

And to You,

 

“It’s about the exercise,

Not the friends,

Or fitting in,

Or the black leggings.”

.

I begin to

Huff and puff

And argue

With myself

Refuting

My own argument,

 

“Its not just about

The exercise

It ‘s about

Connection,

I want to

Be connected

To someone.

Anyone ,

In this moment,

I want a place

To be.

 

And then

I hear it

Soft and gentle,

Like Your

Voice always comes,

 

“You are connected

To Me

I am your place

To be.

 You are mine.

 That’s the brand

You wear

The group you

Belong to,

 The tag

On your back says

Bought with a price

And dearly loved.”

 

Arms bicep curling,

I tell myself truth.

Those feelings,

The ones that said

Uninvited,

Unloved, and unseen,

Those were twisted lies

Spun and intended to

Keep my soul

From freedom.

 

And slowly

The lump starts shrinking

And the empty starts leaving

As I work this out

To the beat of the music.

 

And the fighter

In me steps up

To the challenge

Of working out

My faith,

 And the believing,

 

I am loved.

I belong,

To the One

Who matters most,

And I have found

My place

Forever

With Him.

 

 

Isaiah 43:1

 But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

 Psalm135:4

 For the Lord has chosen Jacob to be his own, Israel to be his treasured possession 

Photo Credits- Hannah Teramura

Patterned Bug

 

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This is the beginning of a series of bugs I am working on (so I may post more in the next few weeks.🙂 ) This was a class Val Webb taught on watercolor painting patterns. I thought these bugs were so fun and I am enjoying the simple drawings and playing with patterns and colors.

Invited Into Beauty

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Invited Into Beauty

By Susie Teramura

 

Taking the keys

Out of the ignition

In the early morning sun,

I head towards

The dentist office

Feeling a bit grumpy

And put out

By the whole ordeal.

 

Another check up,

Which ends up

For me,

To be another cavity,

Or two.

Ruminating over the fact

That I always get those things

While others

In the family

Have never even

 Had one.

My mood begins to sour,

 

But before

I enter the

Pink brick building

It catches my eye

Right in front of me,

 

Surrounded by deep

Purple and yellow flowers,

Is the most beautiful

Two tiered

Stone fountain,

 Gently trickling

 crystal clear water,

Exquisite.

 

I stop and pause and

Watch the water

Bubble up and over

And something

 In my heart calms,

And my spirit rests.

And I think

For a minute or two.

 

What just

 Happened here?

Where did

My grumpiness go?

 

Beauty,

It woke me up

To the present moment,

To the things happening now,

To life lived today.

And it stirred in me

A craving for

 More of You

Beautiful Savior

 Of my soul.

 

What is it

 About beauty,

That  draws me in,

And that I crave,

And want to be apart of?

 

It’s You.

Simply that.

You are

The Perfect One,

The beautiful, unblemished,

Lovely One.

 

You leave me

In awe,

Breathless,

And in wonder,

 

And as You

Take center stage

Other troubles

Seem to fade.

 

Everyday in

So many ways,

With Butterflies and

Buttered croissants,

Coffee and

Fresh baked cookies,

Tangerine sunsets

And gentle breezes blowing,

 

You are

Inviting me

Into that

Beauty,

Into You.

 

Staring one last minute

At that fountain,

Taking a deep breath,

I walk toward to door.

My dental appointment

Doesn’t seem so bad any more.

 

Psalm 29: 2

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name; Worship the Lord in the beauty and majesty of His holiness [as the creator and source of holiness].

 Psalm 96:6

Splendor and majesty are before Him; Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.

 Psalm 27: 4

One thing I have asked of the Lord, and that I will seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty [the delightful loveliness and majestic grandeur] of the Lord And to meditate in His temple.

(Photo Credits- Hannah Teramura)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Big Bold Blooms (#3)

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Hi🙂 I have truly missed you all and writing each week!  It has been such a crazy summer! Not at all the restful kind I was imagining but special just the same.:) Anyway I wanted to share some of my artwork. This was the only thing I really got to work on all summer besides small things in my sketchbook. This is the third large painting I did for Lynn Whipple’s class Big Bold Blooms. I have one more to go to complete my assignments. The next one is even bigger and will be the largest picture I have ever painted. I am still trying to find just the right bouquet to use. I will be sure to keep you all posted on that project and I hope to have more time to work on my assignments for the Y is for Yellow class too now.

Blog Update

Summer Camp Day One Watercolor Crab -Assignment one-2

The best thing about summer is the wide open spaces that it brings giving us time to breathe sweet honeysuckle air, eat orange popsicles, go for hikes, and slowly watch the sun go down as lightening bugs decorate the trees. It is a time to stop the frantic everyday pace and welcome each day with open hearts to see God in the little moments.

 However, summer has not begun this way for me as I somehow feel more busy than ever, so I find God asking me to carve out time. To make space, to take a break from a few things so I can think and find my way back to hearing his voice again. He seems to be asking me to clear away the clutter in my mind so that I can be present in this moment and all that it brings.

 That being said I wanted to let you know that I feel that I need to take a few months of rest from my blog . It seems my heart needs time and space just to be. So I might post some of my artwork or things God is showing me from time to time, but will take a break from regular posts for a bit. I will be seeking God for direction with my blog and I hope to return soon refreshed and with a new vision for what He has for me.

With much love and gratefulness in my heart for each of you!

A Cleft in the Rock

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A Cleft in the Rock

By Susie Teramura

 

I feel like

I can’t get

Words out.

 

Words are there,

But packed in

So tightly

That they seem

Wrinkled,

And when I

Pull them out

They don’t seem

Useful anymore,

 

Disfigured

Out of shape

Not what I mean.

 

What are words

To describe You anyway

And all

That You are?

 

What kind of

Words could

Possibly describe

The grandness,

 

What words could

Do justice to

that kind of love,

 

That grace so big,

So generous,

So over the top,

The kind that

oozes out

All over

Everything.

 

Pondering this

As I was looking up

at those rocks,

Thousands of miles

from home,

The mountains,

Upon mountains,

All I could think

About was

You

Solid, immovable,

You.

 

The grandness

Of them

Of You, 

Left my

Mouth open,

My chin

Hanging,

And words stuck

In my throat.

 

And then,

Littlest one

Runs over,

On this hike of ours

And calls to me

“ Look Mommy”

As she tucks

Herself into

A cleft in the rock.

 

She calls me to come

And I fit too

And feel

The enormous red rock

Next to my skin,

And I feel safe,

And the words

Start to pour out

Like sweet syrup

all over

both of our hearts,

As You bring to mind

That verse about

Hiding Your

Beloved in

The cleft of the rock,

And I tell her the good news

That our God

Is the one

who thinks of

everything and

will keep us safe.

It is his pleasure,

It is his way.

 

And so we pause

There in the

Cleft of the rock

And think of

Your big Hand

holding us in there,

And peace laps like

water over my soul.

 

I am cared for,

Loved and hidden,

In your heart,

Soild, immovable

forever and

For always

 

Exodus 33:22

22 and while My glory is passing by, I will put you in a cleft of the rock and protectively cover you with My hand until I have passed by.

1 Samuel 2:2

“There is no one holy like the Lord, There is no one besides You, There is no Rock like our God.

 Psalm 18:2

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and the One who rescues me; My God, my rock and strength in whom I trust and take refuge; My shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower—my stronghold

 Psalm 27:5

For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; In the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.

 Psalm 71:3

Be to me a rock of refuge and a sheltering stronghold to which I may continually come;

 

Someday

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Someday

By Susie Teramura

Waves swirl

Foamy, over my

Sandy feet.

Bits of blue sky

Peek out.

Late afternoon clouds

Settle in.

Sitting by

The waters edge,

Blue and green

Turtle chair,

Mostly wet now.

Waiting for him

To catch something,

To pull out of

That nothingness,

Something exciting,

One of those ‘someday’

Kinds of catches.

After all, it’s our

Last day here,

Everyone wanting to

To make more

Memories

To add to

That red bucket

Of shells.

Rod bends,

Tip down,

The reeling

In begins.

Line zings.

In comes

A baby shark.

Sleek and leathery.

Pictures are snapped

And texted to friends,

Shark thrown

Back in.

Walking back through

Tide pools warm

Searching for

Something living

In there.

And I see

Beneath the sand

The shape of a star

Gently reaching

Under it

Millions of hairy

Feet moving

Wavelike,

Across my hand.

My heart stops

With joy

Knowing You

Heard  thoughts

Uttered, silent,

About my, ‘someday,’

How I wanted to

Hold a starfish

Someday.

And now,

Our last day here,

On the east coast,

Where starfish

Are hard to

Come by,

You have

Put one in my hand.

And my mind

Starts turning,

And churning,

On the fact

That You heard.

You know

All my secret

‘Someday’ wishes.

Not one of them

Is silly to You.

You know them well.

Even the bigger ones

That seem like

Fairytale wishing,

The ones I have

Given up on,

And decided

In someway

Are foolish,

Selfish things

To be discarded,

But I see You now

Smiling hard at me.

You have collected

My ‘somedays,’

Treasures

In a bottle,

They are

Pieces of me.

Pieces that

You love,

That You

Planted there,

Buried deep.

But are

Being gently

Washed up

By the waves

Of life’s troubles.

These remnants

Of my heart

Which I am

Just now beginning

To discover,

Have been there

All along.

It is Your

Pleasure,

And delight,

To show me,

To bless me.

To encourage me

That You haven’t

Forgotten

My ‘somedays,’

You haven’t

overlooked them,

Or counted them

Not important enough

To see,

But instead

You are

Working out

Your beautiful

Plan in me.

I take one last look at

The starfish

And I let him

Out to sea

And realize that

Things are not

As they

Often seem,

You are

Making life

More beautiful

Than my

best

‘Someday’

Dream.

Isaiah 64:4

For from days of old no one has heard, nor has ear perceived, Nor has the eye seen a God besides You, Who works and acts in behalf of the one who [gladly] waits for Him.

Psalm 18:18-20 (AMP)

But the Lord was my support

He brought me out into a broad place;

He rescued me because He was pleased with me and delighted in me.

Psalm 139: 1-4

O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do];

You understand my thoughts from afar.

You scrutinize my path and my lying down,

And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.