Christmas Tears

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Christmas Tears

By Susie Teramura

 

Sitting in church

Singing Christmas hymns,

Not feeling

Christmassy though,

Heart heavy,

Feeling the loss,

All this talk

Of babies,

Tired and burdened,

And we settle in

To hear the message.

 

Propping myself up,

Trying to keep

My wandering mind

In line,

Feeling a bit

Numb to it all,

Then,

Near the end,

He says

Something that,

Awakens my

Sleepy soul,

Like a pin prick,

On an inflated balloon,

 

It hits my heart

And my eyes

Start to pool.

 

He repeats it again,

“The pain doesn’t go away

Just because it is Christmas,”

Slowly the thought

Circles my heart

And settles into

The empty spaces.

 

Heading out

To lunch

The thoughts

Percolate

And I find myself

Wanting to

Draw near

To You

But not able to

For some reason

And so I talk

To You

About it;

The wall there,

 

And You say

This to me,

“I am not

The bad thing,

I am the good

In the bad,”

And all of a sudden

I can see it,

My confusion,

My misplaced fear,

 

You are not

The thorn,

But the salve

That heals it’s cut.

You are not

The mean words,

But the kind ones

That follow,

You are not

The heavy load,

But the hand

That helped carry it,

You are not

The cold shoulder,

But the cup of tea

That welcomed me

 

You are the comforter,

The seer,

And healer

Lover of my soul,

 

It’s that love

That makes

Walls fall

And I find myself

Drawing near again.

 

My eyes clear,

And now

I can see,

The baby

In the manger

Born for me,

Precious one

With eyes

So bright,

Angles announce Him

In the night,

Savoir, gentle,

God and king,

Born to save,

And recue me,

 

Once again,

My heart can sing,

You, Jesus,

Are here

For me.

.

 Luke 2:8-11

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold,[b] an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. 10 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

10 thoughts on “Christmas Tears

  1. Susie, this spoke volumes to my heart. Sometimes your poems start out with you as a wilted flower that gradually perks up and blooms afresh, vibrant as you rest in Jesus. I love your poems so much, and I appreciate all the blessings God has given me through you in this past year. And I absolutely love the drawing and its deep message. This is something I definitely need to remember about our God:
    “You are not

    The thorn,

    But the salve

    That heals it’s cut.”

    Did you lose a baby at one time, either by miscarriage or fully born, Susie? I’m so, so sorry if you did. May God give you ever deeper healing in all the troubles you have gone through. May you have a wonderful Christmas resting in God’s love for you!

    1. Hi Trudi 🙂 I so appreciate your kind words and you!! You have been such an encouragement to me this year too – and meant more than I can say! Yes we did loose our baby boy 5 years ago. I was 4 months pregnant when we found out that he had died. His short life has made a profound impact on my life and I am so grateful for the 4 months I had to carry him next to my heart. Thanks for your comforting words and kindness to ask. Praying you to have a wonderful Christmas too ! sending much love and thanksgiving for you!

  2. Hi Susie,
    My heart skipped a beat as I read your words this morning. They are speaking volumes to me today! I’ve had the very same thoughts recently and have come to a similar conclusion that God is good, to me, and our difficulties in life are not from him, although he can make all things work together for good. I love what you said about God being the good in the midst of the bad — so true! And we need our eyes of faith to see that since sometimes all we can see is our pain and that obstructs our view of him in the midst. But when we recognize him there, just as you’ve said, our hearts can sing again! Susie, I’m so grateful for your friendship! Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family!

  3. Hi Valerie 🙂 So encouraging to hear that God is speaking a similar thing to you.! It helped me when I started to think about the hard things that way- I guess a way for him to enter into them and a way for me to see his love there. I am so grateful for your friendship too! I hope you have a beautiful Christmas full of His love- (Looking forward to seeing more of your amazing photographs !!) 🙂 sending love and hugs xoxo

  4. I so agree with Trudy – the way your words touch my heart – she expressed it so well.
    I once wrote about my own tear stained Christmases, and like you, I’m so glad Jesus touched that pain and brought His amazing healing balm.

    Joy to you, Susie.

    1. Merry Christmas Elaine 🙂 I am so sorry you have had Christmas tears too – I would love to read that. Is it on your blog? Thank you for sharing- It is a comfort to me. Thankful he is healing us day by day -so glad he is faithful to persist until we are fully restored! – sending hugs

      1. Thanks for asking, Susie. It is in December 2013 – “A story of Christmas old and yet to come”. Should you chose to read it, promise you will read to the end 🙂
        If you would like to comment, send me an email.
        Blessings, Elaine

    1. Susie, I got the message that you left on my blog. Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m honored that it was an encouragement to you. Your words and art are always an encouragement to me. Blessings.

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